Alright this marks the end of my tenure in GLS. Nope, i am still two months plus away from ord. But my unit has closed down first. hahaha. Finally, after, i must say, a very distressing 8 months, this place is history. It is indeed very sad for those who have really put in their effort to make things work, and just when everything seems to be getting on track, the bombshell has to come. I really pity the regulars. To me, it is inconsequential, but to them, it feels like two years of hard work gone down the drain. For now, all of us will have to take time to adjust to the new system, and new units.
These aside, I must really say GLS has taught me a lot, and tested my leadership abilities to the limit. It was indeed a great challenge, and I must say, if i really have to grade myself, I failed, though after trying very hard. Suddenly, as i think back, all the memories, the first day, all the way till now, I feel a sense of nostalgia. Never did I expect the chain of events to evoke this weird queasy feeling inside me. My tears have not brimmed yet, but if I keep it up, its gonna overflow soon.
No way am i an emotional person. But thinking back of all that has happened, and the notion that a big chapter of my life has closed, I cant help feeling that way. It was only a short eight months. But these eight months have been the most stressful eight months in my life, thus far. Even studying was not so stressful. Mugging was all about myself and only myself. This concerns so many people, some of them can be my father, or even my grandfather. everything I do will affect them. it was crap. But thinking back, it made me grow up a lot. It was a humbling experience.
From my first day, when everyone said hi to me, and was very very nice to me, till i started planning duties. everyday there were changes, but i tried my best to accomodate. I tried to fight for my guy's welfare, and challenge unreasonable requirements. This was when i faced my first stumbling block. There was no one behind me to back me up. My boss would basically sit in one corner and watch me get fucked. My morale started dipping.
I went an extra mile and covered for someone when he went on course. that was when things really went all the way downhill. All the criticism started coming out, mainly feeling that i was poking my nose in people's affairs, and i should stick to my own work. People started screwing up my planning on purpose, and not informing me about it. worse thing is, i still have to smile and put up a big fake smile in front of them cuz we have to work hand in hand everyday. Thanks to them, it sometimes came to the extreme that i had to beg people to do the duties. It does not bode well for my image and command emphasis, but i really feel bad forcing things like these down their throat, because of a command level screw up. Things started getting from bad to worse, and it became such a situation that everyday i had to put on a facade and smile and joke with people whom i dont like and i know dont like me. once the door has closed behind me the tongues will start wagging. The worse thing is it is still within earshot. It gets so bad that sometimes i really felt like going in and letting go, giving them a big piece of my mind. However, due to work reasons, i have to bite my tongue, control, act as if i din know anything, and continue working.
Soon, it really got to me, and i started disintegrating. I left majority of the de conflicting to the office guys, and only handled things they could not handle. I did not care about the guys welfare as much as i did in the past, not cuz i dont want to, but cuz my hands are tied. the rapport that i had all along worked hard to build up broke down in a matter of days, and suddenly, i was public enemy number one. In my eyes, I have failed.
slowly, people started to cross the line, and started challenging my authority. I recommended disciplinary action, only for my boss to reject it, because it wasnt necessary. deep down, we all know the real reason is cuz its too much of a hassle and he simply cannot be bothered. going home at 3pm is more important to him. After a few failed attempts, i became the laughing stock of the entire unit.
My soul at the point of time was down in the dumps. In my head was full of questions but no answers at all. and the next thing i knew, some idiot hated me enough to throw away my card which allows me to access my email acct. I use that email acct to fight for their welfare, to give unit people a piece of my mind when they mistreat my guys, and to plan and rearrange their duties should they have any urgent matters. I am on it everyday because of these. And they decide to throw it away, just wanting to get me into trouble. but when they next come to me to complain, and to request for certain changes of duties, my hands are tied and i cannot sound off their problem. Leaving it to my boss is as good as not sounding off. That was what frustrated me the most. because of the selfishness of one person, so many others have one less avenue of voicing their grievances. it may sound too good to be true, but its really my job only.
my job is all about handling people, many different people, and how to make the best out of a bad situation. You cant please everybody. Make decisions, not to please people, but to ensure that is the right thing to do under the given circumstances. In life, there will always be sacrifices, but how to minimise the sacrifices, and how to look beyond personal bias, and make the fairest decisions, is the hardest thing to do.
I sound like I am about to ORD, but not yet, I got two more months to go. I do not know what these two months will bring, but i really hope that it will be as uneventful and smooth sailing as possible. GLS has definitely made me grow up a lot, and as my big boss puts it, it is definitely a humbling experience.